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July 27th, 2025
July 27th, 2025
It's the end of July
It's the end of July
It's 4 days before the end of July and my grand plan of writing 1-2 posts per month has failed fabulously! But here we are. I have made it through another birthday and really I'm in my existential era.
I wish it was as frivolous as it sounds, but I have had a doozy of a semester; questioning my choices and thinking really deeply about my way forward... "functionally depressed" is the term. But thankfully I am a believer in good therapy and I walked myself into sessions which, over the summer, have bolstered and supported me. No doubt, I have not felt as emotionally and physically drained in a long, long time; yet, I have to say that I have learned SO many things over the last 6 months.
I have learned more about where my academic path will lead; I understand more clearly what kind of educator I am; and also I have learned what I am prepared to compromise on and what is a non-negotiable for me. As always, my students have offered so much joy and stretching me beyond belief. I have always been, and will always remain grateful to the things my students teach me.
On a personal note, I am dealing still with grief ... in all its forms. For my mother who has passed on, for friends and family who are alive but whose relationships have come to an end for me, and for all the ways I believed I would have grown; but remained stagnant; or maybe even regressed.
I am the incessantly hopeful. So I here I am resetting - on all levels. Stay with me folks, I'm still here.
Highlands Beach, New Jersey. - July 2025
Balanced Rock: Garden of the Gods ~ Colorado Springs ~ December 2024
Jan 1, 2025
It is enough.
It is enough.
You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Breathe deeply.
This is my endeavor/mantra for this year of 2025. The last couple of years I have tried to have a name for the year I am stepping into. Last year I had a biblical verse: Joel 2 verse 25 ~ the promise that God will give back all the years that was lost.
I tried to live intentionally in it last year. I made a career move which takes me to Boston 3/4 days a week and am totally in love with my choice. My new job is at a minority serving educational institution and it is a balm for my soul that I did not know I needed. I love it there - love the work I do, the opportunities I have there, my colleagues and of course, my students.
This year my mantra is more personally and growth-oriented and spiritually focused. I want to be able to move away from moments where I want to "fix" things that are not mine to fix, or over think things ~ I am royalty in the overthinking kingdom, and I want to accede that throne.
This year I want to be able to tell myself - it's ok. YOU"RE ok. No really, You're OK.
I want to do less self harming where I look at people through my version of who I think they should be, but truly to be able to see them and love them ~ or leave them ~ where they are.
I want to be able to celebrate the intimacy of communication with people I care about; the deep moments of connection that outlasts fickle conceptions of what a "normal" relationship should look like.
This year over the holiday season was the first time in nearly 20 years I did not cry for my mother on Christmas day - I was surrounded by family and so much love, care and inclusion that I was able to think of her with a sense of fullness and wholeness. I loved that for me. It is enough. My memories of her and knowing she wholly loved me... is enough. This is the main reason I want to be able to move forward in that feeling of "enough-ness".
I am enough. I have enough. I do enough. Breathe deeply.
Bless you and yours as we enter into 2025 🥂🎉
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